Americans in OZ

Last post I started to let you know my thoughts about what I had read and this week I’ll continue.  Hope that you enjoy.

Making Time for Sex

How often have you collapsed into bed and fallen asleep exhausted—not from a night of passion but from a too-full day of running around trying to take care of everything you need to do?  For women especially, achieving a fulfilling sex life is about finding time: time to be intimate with your lover, time for yourself, and time to think about what you want from your sex life. To reinvigorate your relationship, try reassessing your priorities and making time to let sexiness flourish in your life.

Doing it all

The trouble with women is that they pride themselves on doing it all.  Even though they excel at working a double shift—holding down a full-time job then coming home to housework, cooking, and raising children—they find it hard to relax and enjoy life.  To make matters worse, they often refuse help because they believe only they can do it right.  Even when given the opportunity to relax, they often choose to spend the time packing lunches, answering emails, or writing a mental to-do list.

Life-enhancing time off

It might not be your partner or children that are stopping you from making time for sex—instead, it might be juggling commitments at work, at home, and with friends. Time for yourself will reward you with greater productivity and improve your relationships with colleagues and friends.  Whatever its source, lack of sleep, stress, and a busy lifestyle cause many women to experience fatigue, weight gain, moodiness, and low sex drive.  So the next time you’re running ragged all day, don’t be surprised if you head to bed feeling as sexy as a turnip.

You might not be sure where or how discovering your sexuality is supposed to fit into your busy life.   But accept that you need time to rest and recuperate. If, like many women, you place sex at the bottom of your to-do list, it might be time to review your priorities and make time for sex.  In order to have the best relationship and sex life possible, start by following the three Ds—delegate, decrease, and disengage—to overcome stress, and find time to enhance sex and intimacy with your partner.

Delegate: extend your time

Mounting, nagging to-do lists drive women and their partners crazy, and we aren’t doing anyone any favours by trying to do it all.  Your bosses and coworkers are deprived of a calm colleague, your kids of a relaxed mother, your partners and friends of spending quality time with us.  Women are deprived of energy, liveliness, and rest.

Prioritize your tasks. If you have a to-do list that includes more than five or six items, it is time to take stock.  Put dates against tasks, and stars against anything you cannot delegate.  Cross out non-essential tasks.

Your delegation operation might involve a monthly cleaning service.  Housekeeping services are quite affordable, so let go of the reins and hand over the mop.  Meanwhile, you will have gained an hour of rest and recuperation, which will boost your mood and your libido.

Use technology to make your life easier.  think about ordering your groceries, birthday presents, and household items online.  Save shopping trips for when you want to choose some sexy new underwear.

Decrease: simplify

How do you decrease?  Take a deep breath and let go of perfection.  Okay, so there are crumbs on the kitchen table - the world is not going to end.  Barring a major bug problem, it should be safe for you to go to sleep at night without sweeping up every crumb in the house.

Make your life easier wherever and whenever possible.  From dishwashers to pre-packaged meals to self-cleaning shower gadgets, there are a large number of products that will save you time and sweat.  Some of them might be costly, but if they save you time in the end, they are worth it.

You will also have to learn to say “no” more often.  Set up boundaries to protect your emotional and physical well-being.  Cut back on the number of committees you join, and don’t agree to host every family function or holiday party at your house.  Most people will respect your decision.   It is nice to feel needed, but resolve to trim down your social obligations, and save yourself for only those that you truly enjoy.   The same goes for your kids’ activities.  Save your, and their, energy for the events they can’t live without or give up.  Use the time to relax with your feet up.  To reclaim your sex life back you need “your” time back.

My next post will finish up what I got from Real Women Real Sex.  Until then stay safe and ladies please take it easy, slow it down and find those places where you can start getting your groove back on.

4Quan
Warrior for Truth
Professor (things that make you go Hmm..)

I was reading a book about real sex for real women (a woman’s point of view) and I thought that I’d share some of what I thought about it with you.  I will post in parts and I hope you enjoy.

Sex and Intimacy

Intimacy is the fiber that binds us to the people we love, and is built on time, investment, and honest communication.  In a healthy long-term relationship, intimacy increases with time and many men and women are fortunate to have a lover who is also their best friend. Sex and romance are crucial for long-term intimacy.  The stronger the sexual connection, the stronger the emotional intimacy will be. It is important to nurture and feed your relationship both emotionally and sexually.

The sex and intimacy cycle

Sex and intimacy are closely linked in our brains, but men and women respond differently to intimacy.  Many men can’t feel intimate with their partner unless their sex life is satisfying, but many women can’t enjoy sex without intimacy. For men, sex feeds intimacy, and for women, intimacy feeds sex.  These sexual differences can be disruptive to your relationship, so it is important to nourish your sex life with intimacy.

First love to familiarity

When you first met your lover, chances are you were overwhelmed with sensations of excitement, bliss, and smoldering desire.  When you fall in love, your brain releases chemicals such as serotonin, adrenaline, and oxytocin.  These chemicals create feelings of excitement and passion.  As time goes by, and you become more comfortable together, your desire wanes and you stop having as much sex.  This phase also tends to involve a loss of spark.

This happens because, over time, your brain becomes accustomed to these chemicals and requires more hormone to create the initial high.  In other words, ongoing intense sexual excitement in a loving relationship goes against our biological instincts.  This means you have to work at keeping the intimacy and attraction between you.

Obstacles to intimacy

When you or your partner are having a hard time—for example, at work—your poor mood will affect you both.  Similarly, if your sex life is floundering, you will both feel the effects in all parts of your relationship.  To keep intimacy in your relationship, you need to have a fulfilling sex life, and vice versa.  Nourish your intimacy levels by making sure that you keep a physical connection alive—touching, kissing, and even talking will enhance your bond and intimacy.

The deepest and most fulfilling intimacy springs from the closeness of a long-term relationship and time spent keeping passion in your relationship.  But if you have been with your partner for a long time, you may discover that you no longer have a high sex drive or get that little “zing” every time you kiss him or he touches you.  There are many ways to reignite this spark and keep your sex life intimate and passionate.  So get comfortable and keep reading.

We’ll see you next week for part 2.

4Quan
Warrior for Truth
Professor (things that make you go Hmm..)

Sexuality

Where do you begin a discussion on this topic.  So vast and yet so misunderstood.

Understanding what sexuality is may be a good start.  What is sexuality?  In my mind sexuality is the defining of an individuals like and dislikes, do’s and don’ts as it relates to sex.  Each person has a unique sexual identification based on their values and beliefs in this area.  Sexuality differs from sex as sex tends to describe physical acts that a person/s engage in.

Anna Freud famously wrote that “sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are.”  This way of understanding sex highlights the difference between the act of sex and the individual experience of sexuality, which is an intrinsic part of who we are, one that can’t be separated out of ourselves any more than our ethnicity or religious/spiritual beliefs.

Body

Every part of our body can play a role during sex.  People use their feet to get to a place of arousal and some are simply aroused by the foot itself.  Others use elbows, thighs or eye contact during sexual play.  Learning more about how your body works when having sex, and how you can work it more to your benefit can expand your definition of sex exponentially.

Mind

It’s often said that the greatest sexual organ we have is our mind.  How we think and feel about our bodies and ourselves and how we interpret the physical contact we have with others is what we believe the difference between good sex and bad.  Some people worry about thinking too much about sex but the facts are that exploring our sexual thoughts and feelings may be much more important than trying on the latest sex position or role play outfit.

Spirit

Most major religious beliefs have a lot to say about sexuality.  Saying that sex can be defined in spiritual terms doesn’t have to include organised religion.  For some, sex is spiritual because they feel like it brings them closer to their partner in what they feel, in a spiritual way.  What we need to keep in mind is that our religious and spiritual beliefs do help make up our personal definition of sex, and exploring them is another way of exploring sex.

Health

For some sex keeps them healthy much like exercise.  Expanding a definition of sex to include sexual health is a good way to bring all these different parts together.  Over 30 years ago the World Health Organisation defined sexual health as:

“…a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.”

Pam and I are very mindful that good sex helps to maintain good health in a relationship and is no different than eating healthy and exercising.  So I would encourage all our readers to promote healthy sexual relations in your relationships .

Until we next put pen to paper I wish you health, happiness and great sexual adventures.

Mark
Warrior for Truth
Professor (things that make you go Hmm..)